


Operation Child Sleeping

by sassy_Tuukka_Time_Tantrum



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 20:54:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8861620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassy_Tuukka_Time_Tantrum/pseuds/sassy_Tuukka_Time_Tantrum
Summary: Several of the Bruins decided that they've had enough of goaltender Tuukka Rask's moustache and decide to take matters into their own hands and get rid of it for him.





	

It was December fourteenth and several members of the Bruins core realized that they had a bit of a problem on their hands regarding a certain Finnish netminder. No-shave November, or Movember as many of them referred to it as, was long over and while most of them had gotten rid of their almost cringe worthy facial hair, said Finnish netminder, Tuukka Rask had not. Just like how everyone agreed that Providence Bruins forward Peter Mueller had the best moustache in the organization hands-down, everyone agreed that Tuukka Rask had the worst moustache in the organization. And it needed to go. 

They all decided that they would give the Finn just one more day to get rid of it on his own before they would take matters into their own hands. If Tuukka showed up to morning skate on December fifteenth and his “moldy-chocolate-milk moustache” (as Brad Marchand called it) was still planted on his upper lip the Bruins would put “operation child sleeping” (OCS for short) headed by two people whom they only knew as “MJ” and “Tourtière” into action. 

\--

Sure enough on the morning of December fifteenth, Tuukka showed up to practice with his horrendous facial hair still gracing their presence. 

“We’re putting our plan into play tomorrow,” Tourtière messaged MJ, “Enough is enough.” 

“Go right ahead,” MJ responded, “I’m tired of dealing with it all the time. Just let me know what you guys plan to do and I’ll go along with it.” 

“I’m gonna talk to the other guys involved then get back to you.” 

“Alright, keep me informed.” 

Shortly after the Bruin who went by the codename Tourtière (which is also a tasty Canadian meat pie), opened a group chat, “Alright guys we’re putting OCS into action tomorrow. MJ has already given us the green-light.” 

“About fucking time!” Codename Bibitte (Quebecois term for a small insect) responded.

“Why are we being mean to Tuukka!” Codename Souffleuse (Quebecois for snow blower) whined.

“It’s for his own good,” Codename Orignal (Quebecois for moose) responded.

“Why is my codename Quebecois for half-pint!” Codename Demiard exclaimed.

“Would you rather be known as “fragile ice?”” Codename Frasil said.

“At least you can say your codename…” Souffleuse said.

“Alright let’s try to figure everything out,” Tourtière said, “My wife is willing to help and she has everything we need to carry out our plan.” 

“It’s not gonna hurt him is it?” Souffleuse asked. 

“It shouldn’t hurt him,” Bibitte responded. 

“Oh good!” Soufleuse exclaimed. 

“Too much.” 

“Okay,” Tourtière said, “Orignal, Bibitte, Frasil and Demiard will be in charge of getting Tuukka from his house to my house.” 

“Can we use chloroform?” Bibitte asked.

“Absolutely not,” Tourtière responded sternly, “We just want to get rid of Tuukka’s moustache, we don’t want to poison him. Blindfold him and tie his hands behind his back if you want but please, for the love of god, don’t hurt him.” 

“Why do we have to use codenames?” Demiard asked.

“So Tuukka doesn’t catch on,” Bibitte responded, “He’s a smart guy and we don’t want him to suspect a thing.” 

“My codename sucks,” Demiard said.

“Would you rather be a half-pint or a little bug?” Bibette asked.

“What do I get to do?” Souffleuse asked.

“You’ll be working with MJ and I at my house,” Tourtière said, “Sound good. We’ll meet up around noon.”

“Alright.” The others responded. 

“We’ve worked everything out,” Tourtière said, “We’re gonna meet up at my house around noon tomorrow. Does that work for you?”

“I don’t see why it wouldn’t work,” MJ responded, “Thank you for this.”

“No Problem.” 

\--

The following day around noon, Tuukka was preparing lunch when Jasmiina walked up to him, “I’m gonna take the girls to the mall to do some Christmas shopping,” She said, “So don’t worry about making anything for us.” 

“I don’t get an invite?” Tuukka asked.

“How am I supposed to shop for you if you’re with me?” Jasmiina asked. 

“Fine,” Tuukka pouted, “I see how it is.” 

“We can all hang out as a family tonight and you and I can do some shopping together tomorrow okay?” 

“Okay I guess,” Tuukka responded, “But why are you taking the girls with you?” 

“To get them out of the house for a little bit,” Jasmiina said, “So you can have some time to rest. And Vivien wants to pick something out for her daddy.” 

“Okay,” Tuukka said, “Have fun.” 

“See you later,” Jasmiina said.

“Bye daddy!” Vivien exclaimed as she followed her mother out of the house. 

\--

Elsewhere in Boston, the Bruins involved in Operation Child Sleeping received a message from the mastermind behind the whole plan.

“Alright guys,” Tourtière said, “It’s go time.”

\--

About half an hour after Jasmiina had left, Tuukka was just lounging on the couch when there was a knock at his door.  
When Tuukka answered his door, he found Zdeno Chara, Brad Marchand, Adam McQuaid and Torey Krug standing at his doorstep. 

“Hey guys what’s up?” He asked.

“Sorry about this Tuukks,” Adam said just before tying a thick piece of black fabric over Tuukka’s eyes.

“What the fuck!?” Tuukka exclaimed as one of the others carefully yet firmly tied his hands behind his back, “What the fuck are you guys doing?” 

“You’ll find out in a little bit,” Brad said, “But for now, you’re coming with us. And if you don’t come willingly, Zee will just carry you.”

“We’re only acting on orders from a higher-up, Torey said as he lead Tuukka to a car parked in his driveway, “Did you lock his front door?”

“All set,” Brad said. 

“Could someone at least tell me what they fuck you’re doing and where the fuck you’re taking me?” Tuukka exclaimed angrily. 

“You’ll find out soon enough.” 

\--

After a short drive Tuukka found himself being lead out of the car and into a building.

“We got him,” Brad said, “And he’s not happy. What should we do with him?” 

“Bring him over here and tie him to this chair,” A woman’s voice said.

Tuukka found himself being restrained in a chair that had him in a reclined position, “What is going on here?” He asked angrily.

“Take the blindfold off,” The woman said. 

Once the blindfold was off, Tuukka shut his eyes because of the brightly lit room. Once his eyes adjusted to the light he found himself tied to a chair in Patrice Bergeron’s kitchen.

“DADDY!” Vivien screamed as she ran into the room before Tuukka could ask another question

“Sorry,” David Pastrnak said as he followed the toddler into the room, “She heard Tuukka and wanted her daddy.” 

“What. Is. Going. On. Here?” Tuukka exclaimed.

“As you should be aware it’s half-way through December.” Another woman explained. 

“Jasmiina?” Tuukka asked.

“And Movember is LONG over,” Jasmiina continued, “And to make a long story short, we’re getting rid of the thing on your upper lip. We gave you more than enough time to get rid of it on your own.”

“Was all this really necessary though?” Tuukka asked, “You should have just asked me to shave it!”

“I did,” Jasmiina said, “Why do you think I’ve deliberately left your razor and shaving cream on the vanity for the past two weeks?”

“How was I supposed to know you wanted me to shave!” Tuukka argued.

“Even Vivien’s brought it up,” Jasmiina said, “Remember the other night when she said: “Daddy has food on his face?” She was referring to your moustache. After you left the room she told me: “Mommy, can you wash daddy’s face? It’s dirty and gross.””

“Toddlers are savage,” Brad mused laughing.

“Alright,” Tuukka said, “Untie me so I can shave it then.” 

“No,” Jasmiina said, “That’d be too easy. We’ve all dealt with it for FAR longer than we should have had to. So we’re gonna get some payback.”

“What…what are you gonna do?” Tuukka asked weakly.

“We’re gonna wax it off,” Jasmiina said.

“Do you have to?” Tuukka asked, “That sounds painful.” 

“Tuukka, you’re a goalie,” Jasmiina sighed, “I can guarantee you’ve dealt with worse in terms of pain.” 

“Yeah but not to my face!” Tuukka exclaimed. 

“I’m sure whatever you did to get that scar on your lower lip was more painful than what we’re about to do,” Jasmiina said.

“What are you gonna do to daddy?” Vivien asked as she once again walked away from Pastrnak.

“Something funny,” Jasmiina said as she walked up the chair Tuukka was tied to, “Try not to swear in front of your daughter.” 

“Ah! That’s hot!” Tuukka exclaimed as the warm wax was applied to his skin.

“Stop being such a baby,” Jasmiina said.

“Daddy’s not a baby!” 

“Thank you Vivien,” Tuukka said.

“Don’t move or it’ll hurt more,” Jasmiina advised as she then applied two strips of paper to the wax, “On the count of three,” She said as she gripped one of the strips of paper, “One…two…” Before reaching three she ripped the paper away from Tuukka’s lip causing the netminder to scream.

“You said on the count of three!” Tuukka exclaimed. 

“That was funny!” Vivien laughed as she clapped her small hands, “Do it again!” 

“I’ll say it again,” Brad said as he laughed, “Toddlers are savage!”

“Okay,” Jasmiina said as she pulled the second strip of paper away from Tuukka’s face, causing him to scream again. Which in turn, caused Vivien to shriek with laughter for a second time.

“Hey Vivien,” Brad said, “Can you say savage for the camera?”

“Savage!” The toddler exclaimed happily.

“Good girl!” 

“Daddy’s face isn’t dirty and gross anymore!” Vivien exclaimed.

“I love this kid!” Brad laughed.

“Are we done!?” Tuukka screamed.

“Yup,” Jasmiina said admiring her handiwork, “I guess you can shave off whatever’s left. I think we’ve tortured you enough. So I’m not going to subject you to plucking the rest of the hairs out.” 

“I think I would have preferred you plucking it in the first place,” Tuukka said.

“Oh really? Jasmiina asked as she raised an eyebrow, “Stefanie, could you hand me the tweezers please? I’m just gonna warn you, this is going to hurt more than what we just did.”

“I TAKE THAT BACK!” Tuukka yelled, “I TAKE THAT BACK!” 

“Okay,” Jasmiina said as she untied Tuukka, “You’re free to go.” 

“Next time, please just tell me to shave,” Tuukka said.

“Okay, fair enough.” 

“I can’t believe some people do that willingly,” Tuukka whined as he rubbed his sore upper lip.

“You get used to it after a while,” Jasmiina said, “There are more unpleasant places to get waxed than the upper lip.” 

“Woah hey there,” Brad exclaimed, “There are children in the room!” 

“Do you still want to go shopping?” Jasmiina asked.

“I don’t have my wallet with me,” Tuukka exclaimed, “And I’m not even wearing shoes!”

“We can stop at home first,” Jasmiina said. 

“Okay,” Tuukka responded.

“I’m sorry we had to do that, but you left us with no choice. Thanks for your help guys.” 

“No problem,” Brad said, “I can’t wait to show the video to the rest of the guys!”

“YOU RECORDED IT!?” Tuukka exclaimed. 

“Of course,” Brad said, “You don’t do something like that WITHOUT recording it!” 

Tuukka sighed, “You all owe me dinner,” he said. 

“Yeah we figured you’d say that,” Patrice said, “We’re prepared to do that.”

“Tuukka, will you help Vivien put her coat on while I go get the baby?” Jasmiina asked.

“Daddy that was funny,” Vivien said as Tuukka helped the toddler put her winter coat and hat on.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Tuukka said, “We’re gonna have to get back at mommy for that at some point.” 

“Are you ready?” Jasmiina asked as she returned holding a baby carrier.

“Yeah,” Tuukka said, “I’ll see you jerks at practice tomorrow.”

“Bye Tuukks!” Brad exclaimed, “Have a good one!” 

“Bye Pasta!” Vivien exclaimed, “Bye-bye guys!”

“Let me know if you need a baby sitter,” Stefanie said, “And we’ll watch your girls for you.”

“Sounds good,” Tuukka said, “Thank you.”

\--

On the way back to their house, Tuukka examined his face in the mirror while Jasmiina drove, “When will the redness go away?” 

“In a little while,” Jasmiina responded. 

“I have to admit, the moustache was getting kind of annoying,” Tuukka said, “At least the guys won’t put razors in my locker stall anymore. One of the guys even slipped a razor in my hood when we went to Target for our annual shopping trip.” 

“Marchy did it,” Vivien said.

“Figures. It’s always Marchy.” Tuukka muttered, “But can we NOT do that again.” 

“Only if you don’t go too long without shaving again.”

“Deal.”

**Author's Note:**

> So, anyone wondering about the codenames:   
> MJ was Jasmiina, Tourtière was Bergeron, Orignal was Chara, Bibitte was Marchand, Souffleuse was Pastrnak, Frasil was McQuaid, and Demiard was Krug. They were all rather fitting don't you think? Once again, Vivien's dialogue was based on stuff my two and a half year old cousin has said. Chara and Pastrnak were the babysitters (Chara watched Patrice's son and Tuukka's youngest while they did the waxing) and McQuaid and Krug took videos of the waxing. Peter Mueller's moustache during Movember was probably one of the best I've seen and he can totally pull it off. And lastly, at least in my opinion, plucking is one hundred times worse than waxing.


End file.
